The Orange Rhino Challenge.....and a Medicated Mom?

It didn't take much for me to realize, that I yell entirely too much. It's a daily thing. I yell at my kids for "misbehaving", for fighting, for not paying attention during our homeschool lessons, for "being annoying or whiny".

I yell at them all the time......I hate this about me.

Late last night, I happened upon an interesting website, called  Theorangerhino.com. It is written by a mom, who yelled too much. It's amazing!!! She challenged herself to a year, with NO YELLING!!! And she did it! Then she wrote a book about it and challenged other parents to go any amount of time, without yelling at their kids!

The theory, is that we don't take the time to realize that, when we yell, it's generally NOT because we're angry with our kids. Typically, our kids behavior is just the trigger that sets us off. We're really just stressed about life, tired, or angry with some other adult. Our kids just happen to come under fire and it's so unfair to them.

 For me, this challenge is sheer brilliance. I am so excited to start! I imagine it won't be easy, as yelling has been part of my parenting for my 9 years as a parent. But I'm determined to do this, More determined than I have ever been about any diet or attempt to quit smoking (which, I'd like to note, I have been smoke free for over 18 months!). This is something I HAVE to do, not just for my babies, but for me too!

SO! Wish me luck folks! Today is Day 1 of my Orange Rhino Challenge.......anyone care to join me?

Check out the site and then commit to quit yelling!!!!

She might be a hypochondriac......

The conversation I just had with my Bitty girl (6 year old).

(A commercial for lice shampoo is on)

Bitty- "Mommy, I needs that"

Me- "No sweetheart, you don't"

Bitty- "YES I DOES!! My head is so itchy!"

Me- "Baby, that's not for an itchy head"

Bitty- "Well, what's it for then?"

Me- "It's for icky bugs in your hair, you don't have those"

Bitty- "YES I DOES!!! It's so icthy! I can feel them crawling everywhere. MOMMY I NEED THAT!!"

So needless to say, my daughter is convinced that she has lice and that I need to buy her the shampoo to rid her of them. Awesome.

4 kids? Shyyyyt....I GOT THIS!!!

OMG! Ya know, when I found out that I was pregnant with baby #4.....I nearly shit myself. I was terrified. I mean, I knew I wanted a big family. But since my lil doodlebug was not planned, the reality of having FOUR CHILDREN, kind of bitch slapped me right in the face. I was excited, nervous and overwhelmed all at the same time. But I got over the fear of having 4 pretty quickly, cause there wasn't much I could do about being knocked up!

So here we are, 10 weeks old! And lemme just tell you, that once you have 3 kids, adding more to the mix ain't no thang! Our schedule shifted ever so slightly. The big kids went through a brief adjustment period. But now, I swear we were meant to have this 4th baby just when we did. We are all doing GREAT! We have a routine, we're comfortable and we rely very little on any outside help.

So the moral of this story, is that while some think that having 4 kids is crazy....we think our family is perfect and the nay say-ers can suck our balls!

Hey...remember me??

OMG!!! I've been gone so long, right? And while I know you've all missed me terribly, I've been hella busy....creating a human!!

Yessir....my little bundle of beautiful baby boy has arrived. As of today, he is two weeks old. As of right now, he is knocked out on my chest!

He is perfect....I am in love....and exhausted!!

A Medicated Mom's Guide To- The 1st Day of Kindergarten

OH MY GODDDDDD!!!!! No one told me it was going to feel this terrible. No one said that I would feel like the WORST MOM EVER!!!! No one shared with me, that I got off SUPER easy with my son. Curse all of you who knew this was coming and said NOTHING!!!!!

My Bitty girl started Kindergarten today.

We started out really well. She woke up bright and early just as excited as could be about starting school. She was in love with her outfit and I fixed her hair "like a big girls". We were dressed and out to the bus with out brand new princess backpack!! She got on the bus with no problems too! That could be because she had big brother with her, holding her hand like a good big brother should.

So she got on the bus and Daddy and I hopped in the car to meet them at school. When they got off the bus, big brother Bubba held her hand all way into the building, walked her into the lunchroom for some breakfast and gave her his utmost attention. He did a great job. My Bitty was still hanging tough at this point. She ate her breakfast, threw out her tray on her own and was ready to go to her class.

When we got the class....I made the mistake of letting dad off the hook, and went in alone. She was still doing good though, picked out her name tag, hung up her backpack, found her seat. The teacher had a coloring sheet set out on the desks and my Bitty started right in on it. She was halfway through writing her first name when she froze.....just froze. She turns to me and says (no joking) "Mommy, I don't want you to go.....or I want to go home with you". WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY TO THAT???? I went the responsible route and told her that I couldn't stay and that she had to stay at school and learn. She wasn't trying to hear that shit. She grabbed hold of my dress and started to ease her way out of her seat.

Long story short, before I made my escape, my baby was full blown sobbing and chanting "MOMMMMMMYYYY DON'T GO!!!!" It took everything in me not to break down in front of her. I left the room.....then broke down in the hallway. It is nothing nice. It's hard enough to leave your kids upset, with people that you know and trust......leaving them with a STRANGER.....while they are BAWLING.....and calling for MOMMY!!!! That's just torture.

So here is my advice to all you mom's that have yet to go through the Kindergarten drop off...........Let dad (or ANYONE else) do it!!! Your welcome :)

Pink and Frilly is for SUCKERS!!!

It's not any secret that my lil Monkey is FAR from being a girly-girl. She truly enjoys getting dirty. She eats dirt. She smacks people around. She's a "G"!!

So tell my why my cousin, was SOO surprised that my lil angel didn't enjoy her time at a local businesses "Princess Room"?

She took her in, thinking it would be a blast (since EVERY little girl wants to be a princess) and came out shocked that she broke the legs off of some furniture.

Also....tell me why, my mother is having such a hard time wrapping her mind around the fact that my baby, wants a Spider-Man birthday cake?

My mom (being the cake making GENIUS that she is) has been trying to get a cake idea out of my Monkey for the past two months. Her third birthday is coming up in October and so my mom wants to start planning out the pastries. When Mom asked my little darling "what kind of cake would you like for your party?"......the Monkey simply replied "SPIDER-MAN". Mom has been trying to change her mind ever since. 

Just face it people. My littlest girl is NOT into the pink and the frilly. She'll beat your ass before she puts on that tiara!!! And I LOVE that about her.

Epic Parenting Moment #34- The "Discovery"

Your gonna love this.....

Yesterday, while I was giving my girls a bath, I realized that I had forgotten to get their nightgowns out. I stepped out the bathroom to grab them and returned to find my Bitty girl in an awkward position wearing an interesting expression. The following, is the conversation that ensued.....

Me- Bitty, what are you doing? (She appeared to be sitting on her hand)

Bitty- MOMMY.....I found my butt hole!!!

Me-...............Errr............LEAVE IT ALONE!!!!

Bitty- It feels like.... nice!

Me- JUST LEAVE IT ALONE.....it's time to get out!

Yes, my daughter discovered her poop shoot. It was surprisingly disturbing.

When I found her she appeared, like I said before, to be sitting on her hand. She had a very calm expression and had her mouth hanging open..........the image will haunt me.

On a happier note, it'll make a great story to share with all of her future suitors!!!!

Puppy Potty Training.....

We are in the midst of hardcore puppy potty training.....it's not fun.

Our lil guy is somewhere around 2 months old now and we are just about OVER stepping into his little piddle puddles. For us, litter training our boy is going to be our best option. He's tiny and it just suits us.

So thanks to my endless searching (okay so it was more like 30 minuets worth), I came up with a plan of action. He has been quarantined to our bedroom.....which is just special.....where he has everything he'll need.

This plan seemed like a foolproof and perfectly simple one.......till he started his crying.

Think Lady (from Disney's Lady and the Tramp), when she was left to sleep alone in her puppy days. That crying that just breaks your heart. That's what we heard non-stop for an hour, until he wore himself out.

Now I am not one of those strange individuals that believes in self-soothing and all that jazz. When a baby cries in this house, we love on that baby. In this situation however, I am forced to sit by and let my baby cry for me......

This sucks. I hope this doesn't take too long, I don't think I could handle much more.

Fat....and not with a "PH"

Good morning readers.

Today, I am feeling icky. I have actually been feeling icky since my doctors appointment yesterday.

Do you know what that bitch of a midwife told me? She told me I have gained weight!!!

Doesn't she know that I was perfectly content living in denial? Doesn't she know that my weight is a VERY sensitive topic for me??? Doesn't she know that now, I am just depressed and extra anxious to get this pregnancy over with.....so I can starve myself back to my happy place?

Okay, so I am not really going to starve myself. But how messed up is to tell someone that they are gaining a bit to much weight....while they are pregnant....then tell them NOT to start exercising and NOT to change their diet??? Does that make any sense to you? All that is, is a set-up.

AND SHE PUT ME IN THE SAME WEIGHT CLASS AS HER!!!!!! Not to be a bitch or anything, but lets just say I have quite a bit more value meals to choke down before she and I are in the same league.

I will admit that I am the heaviest I have been in a long time. And that makes me very uncomfortable. I have A LOT of work to do after I have this baby. Which is why I asked for a gym membership for my birthday. That's a hell of a present, ain't it? A newborn and a gym membership.....HA!!!

So for now, I just take it easy on the munching.....yea....I can do that. And after I have Mr. Baby #4, I really change my eating habits and I hit up the gym like a fat person hits up a buffet!!!! LMAO....I love my fellow chunky butts!!

Who was the last one to poop??

SOMEONE clogged the damned toilet.

SOMEONE flushed it one too many times and filled the bowl.

SOMEONE watched as Bitty put some tissue in the toilet and tried to flush.

SOMEONE also watched as the water overflowed onto the Bitty's clean dress and all over my floor.

Then.....SOMEONE LIED TO MY FACE!!!!!

Ah...the joys of parenting!!!

Excuse me while I find my spoon and whack some behinds......

Dear useless people.....

Okay, this is going to sound really mean....but it has to be said.

Also, keep in mind that, I hate EVERYONE equally!! So don't go getting all over-emotional with me....

Okay, so, I would like to address the following people;

Dear Hillbillies, thugs, junkies, and general LOSERS of the world,

It would be very much appreciated if you would all refrain from suggesting that one day....your sons will date and/or marry my daughters.

That shit ain't happening!

Thanks so much!!

IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!!

Guess what....no, seriously, GUESS WHAT?!?!

I am having a boy!!

In case you couldn't tell, I am SUPER excited about this. I feel as though the God's were listening and realized, that my sanity demanded a boy.

Those closest to me had all received that threat that "if it's a girl....she's yours". I just couldn't fathom having another girl in this house. Someone would have died eventually.......it's that serious.

But now, there is no reason to worry!!! Cause there will soon be another penis in our home. Our penis-vagina ratio will be evened out!!

Today is a good day. Today we celebrate!! TODAY WE GO TO THE ZOO!!!

Wait.....what were we talking about???

Have you ever fought with your kids for so long, about the same thing, that you forget what you were arguing about in the first place....... but keep saying "no" anyway??

That happens a lot around here......

To my neighbor....

Dear Dumbass,

I regret to inform you, that you are no longer wanted.

No one can stand you or your partner. We are tired of being party to your fighting, and refuse to call the police as per your bi-weekly requests.

Apparently, you like being physically and mentally abused. You want this for your children as well, it seems.

It has also come to our attention, that your so called "boyfriend" has a thing for children.....well.....I have children and will cut someone in their honor. So he has to go, and so do you!!

Women like you, give us all a bad rep. Women like you, make us appear weak and inferior.

Luckily, women like me, will move heaven and earth to protect my children from asshats like you and your boyfriend.

Please evacuate post-haste...or else.....

Sincerely,

Your Pissed off Neighbor!!!

And on Monday.....

I have posted about my daughters and the way they drive me crazy. 

That hasn't changed. They are still set on maiming each other (at the very least). 

What I don't think I mentioned, is that this is round the clock behavior. 

Yes, I have to deal with two little girls screaming at the top of their lungs, hitting each other, pulling each others hair, calling each other names (at 2 and 5....they do that) like "stinky head" and "fufu girl" (which is my Bitty's word for fart)............

On this lovely Monday morning. I was lying in bed with my handsome husband, reliving last nights grown up activities.....mmmmmmm.......

 Sorry, so yea, I was having flash backs when all of a sudden I was ripped from my marital/post-coital bliss by "SSTTTOOOOOPPPPP, that's mine......MMMOOOOOOOOMMMMMMYYY" 

And so I am up.....and they went back to sleep. 

I still have no idea what they were screaming about in the first place....

I seriously need a vacation....I wonder where the kids would like to go?

 

Silly bitches......

They farther along I get in this pregnancy, the more I pity those women out there that are just starting the parenting journey. 

It's funny, cause they sometimes have this air of superiority....like they made the better, wiser choice by waiting till 30 to start their families. 

They are SOOO sadly mistaken. 

If I would have known that I was going to feel like THIS, I would have been done with my last one. I was pooped with her, but it was nothing like this. 

There is a big difference. A huge difference really, in how I felt with my first pregnancy as 22, compared to how I feel with my last at 30. 

I gotta tell ya, I would NOT change a thing about when I started having kids. If I would have started NOW, we would be a one child family. 

I am tired and irritable ALL THE TIME!!! My whole body is sore and my feet feel like they have never known comfort or support. 

My boobs are KILLING ME. They feel like they weigh a ton and are ready to burst with just one rough squeeze. 

I am ALWAYS hungry and I just know that I am going to have to quit eating after I have this baby....I am already HUGE!!

I started showing way early, and already every movement is a struggle. 

I feel like a practicing porn star too! Not that my husband minds, but suddenly I have an insatiable appetite....for him.....and I want to "try new stuff". Which basically translates to "things are getting kinky". 

My kids are on me like flies on shit too!!! They swear I am going somewhere important without them, when really I just have to pee. 

Oh lordy...yes, I feel for all those 30 year old first timers out there. You may think I started to young....but I have news for you.....YOU STARTED TO OLD SUCKERS!!!!

Two crazy girls...one me

I think my daughters are bipolar.

That's probably not true...and I know it doesn't sound very nice, but they are so up and down that it scares me. I don't have sisters, so I know nothing about their relationship. Seems to me, like these girls are a little off their rockers. They are BFF's and play wonderfully for like 20 minuets. Then all of a sudden they turn into little she-beasts ready to rip each other apart. My husband and I are jumping over furniture and peeling hair out of hands to get them away from each other.

This can't be normal. Then someone had the nerve to tell me that it gets worse as they get older........so they are going to murder one another at some point then?

The Monkey vs. The Belly

So any parent of more than one child knows, that having another baby can be a very emotional experience for your children. Emotional?? That seems like such an understatement, considering what is going on in my house. My children have lost their little minds!!

 At the moment, my tiniest terror is my main source of stress. She is having the hardest time adjusting. My two older kids, had a hard time with the birth of the next, but nothing like the Monkey. She kind of reminds me  of a moody old lady. She fusses ALL the time and nothing seems to please her. Her eating habits have changed, along with her sleeping habits.

 I'm also pretty sure that she hates me.  I say this, because she hates me. I studied early childhood psychology, so I know she doesn't. I know that she is just struggling with new emotions and all that jazz, but it doesn't help with feeling less hated.

I think she's called me a bitch a few times too! She gives me this look, then mutters something under her breath........ I am sure she's calling me out of my name.

 My bigger kids are more sensitive and little more moody than normal. The Monkey....she's plotting how to take me out. Pray for me....

Boston, ear infections and the baby squirrel.

First things first. I am trying very hard to avoid any and all news on the bombing in Boston. You may think that makes me detached or uncaring. But the truth is, I am entirely too sensitive at this point in my pregnancy, for anything as devastating as I KNOW the events in Boston are. I have heard the story, I simply am not ready to put any pictures with it. I just don't think I will be able to recover my composure as quickly as my children need me too. My heart goes out the victims and their families. I have lost all understanding of the human race. I have said it before and I'll say it again...... we are screwed. All the good will and going Green in the world, couldn't save us now. Sucks, don't it?

That's all I am going to say about that. 

On to news from the inner sanctum. My lil Monkey and I, took a trip to the E.R. this morning. That was TONS of fun. Turns out, she has an ear infection. This is her first, so as you can imagine, we are havin' a good time. You would think that she was near death, when her Motrin starts to wear off. Should be an interesting night. The best part about all this, is that we just dealt with the Bitty girl and a case of the icky ear, last week. GOOD TIMES!!

SOOOOO.... We signed our Bitty up for Kindergarten today (I wipe away my tears as I write this) and on our way home, we spot a couple of crows in the road. As we get closer, we see that they are pokin' at a baby squirrel. This would have been bad enough, had the baby not moved once the birds flew away from the car. 

Now if you know me, you know that animals are my "thing". I have rescued and/or raised a variety of orphaned/injured/abandoned animals. So upon seeing this baby moving, I yell for my husband to "STOP THE CAR". He decides that this is a PERFECT time to school me on the f'ed up circle of life. So.....he of course, turned around. As we are getting back the scene of the injustice, we see that the crows are back at the baby. I have my seat belt off and my hand on the door handle and GUESS WHAT HAPPENED?!?!

One of those FILTHY F'ING CROWS picked up the poor baby and flew up to a roof!!! It took every ounce of inner strength I possess, to not curl up and bawl like a baby or start to cursing like sailor. My two bigger kids were in the car and hadn't seen what was going on. I was furious with the birds. I was angry with my husband for not stopping when I told him too. I was angry with myself for not throwing myself from a moving vehicle to help the baby. So yea, that was horrible. I could have totally gone without that 5 minuets of shit-nissity, That's totally a word...FYI.

Wish I had more uplifting news to share....but this week has sucked and I really need a nap.

Just as I am proofreading this....my girls walk into the living room together. My Bitty has dressed my Monkey up in a tutu and they are dancing around like little ballerinas. Suddenly, as is right in my world once again.

Sibling Rivalry

I have two brothers. My oldest brother and I, are 6 years apart. My younger brother and I, are 11 years apart. So I guess, comparatively speaking, that I have had it easy when it comes to sibling squabbles. I mean, we argued with and picked on each other...still do actually, but there was never any physical confrontations between us. 

Now, I have three children of my own (soon to be 4). My eldest is 7, then 5 and the youngest is 2. They are somewhat close in age, which makes things A LOT more interesting in this house. My Bubba boy is a rare breed of child. He is very mild mannered, not at all confrontational and just all around sweet. He has his "moments", but for the most part, he is very well behaved and always tries to be a peace maker. 

My girls, on the other hand, are determined to drive me completely insane. I think they are also plotting to kill each other. They fight almost CONSTANTLY and over EVERYTHING!! It's physical too. They scratch, punch, pull hair, bite, kick and slap each other. Fights between the two of them escalate so quickly that most times, I get to them when they are both beat up and crying. 

I hate to admit this, but there have been times when I just throw up my hands and say "Go ahead and kill each other then". 

What scares me....is that they are only 5 and 2!!! This is truly, just the beginning of things. Another admission??? I am terrified of having two teenage girls......

The thing of it is, is that they have two totally different personalities. My Bitty girl is a DIVA!!! She is dramatic and completely girly. She will be all about her looks when she is a teenager. To sum things up...she will be just like the girls I could not STAND in high school. GRRRREAT! My lil' Monkey, on the other hand, is most likely to be a tomboy. She likes getting dirty, playing rough and having her hair up in a ponytail. 

This will make things very uncomfortable for my husband and I. Oh and God help us when they start their periods. Teenage girls on their rags, are almost as unbearable and older women going through menopause. 

So pray for me people. Pray that God does not take it upon himself to further torture me.....by making Baby #4, another girl!!