Two steps forward...8 steps back

On Tuesday, June 25th 2013.....the Supreme Court kicked the Civil Rights Movement in the ass.

They made the genius decision to basically gut the Voting Rights Act of 1965. Ya know, the one that gave Blacks the right to vote...yea, that little thing.

They gave 9 states, the freedom to change up the election laws without getting the okay from the federal government.

The best part of all this, is the states that they deemed responsible enough to have this power.....you ready for this?

ALABAMA, Alaska, ARIZONA, GEORGIA, LOUISI-FREAKING-ANA, MISSISSIPPI (WTF!!), SOUTH CAROLINA, TEXAS AND VIRGINA..........

Do you feel like you got knocked in the head with a stupid stick?

Yea, I felt that way too.

How can this be happening...and of all the shitty times too!!!

Racism is rearing its UGGG-UU-LLLYYY head....it's EVERYWHERE right now. And now this....its a sucker punch. A slap in the face.

At a time when we, people of color, need to feel uplifted and accepted....the government reminds us how precarious our situations are.

It's a shame....because the WRONG PEOPLE are going to take this as a victory. They are going to see this as the government being "back on their sides".....and they are going to lose their fucking minds.

I will not cower from my neighbors....I WILL BE ACCEPTED, because that's how it should be.

Black, white, hispanic...gay, lesbian, transgendered.....I see, accept and LOVE you all!!!!

TEACH TOLERANCE!!!! SCREW THE SCOTUS!!!!!

If I had a therapist......

I'm not saying that I have a therapist or anything....but if I did, she would be one amazing and crazy woman.

If I did have a therapist, which I don't!! I imagine that her name would be Colleen and that she would remind me a lot of my mom. 

I imagine that she would make me feel so comfortable, I wouldn't realize that I was telling a stranger all my business.

I bet that if I had a therapist, she would be so good at making me feel "un-crazy", that I would begin to think that maybe SHE...is a lil' crazy herself. 

Yes, if I had a therapist, she would be a sweet, funny, slightly crazy, chunky white lady......and I would think she was put on this earth just to help me feel less insane.

But of course I don't have a therapist....cause I am totally normal!!! TOTALLY NORMAL!!!

The voices in my head told me so......

Tell em your pant size!!!!

Am I not being real enough?

When I started this whole blogging journey, my mission was to provide a realistic take on life as a....me. I wonder if perhaps I am holding back a bit. 

If I am, I guess it is because I made the mistake of advertising "my blog", to my family. Happy to report that, after recent developments, even family is on the "I don't give a shit WHAT they think of me" list. That is a big deal for me. Not giving a shit, has happened in stages. 

Started with strangers, for example "I don't give a shit what people think about me wearing my pajama pants at WALMART...hell I fit right in". 

Then it spread to my acquaintances, and soon to friends and distant family. Now.... even close family is on the list. Take me as I am, or don't take me at all people. 

I AM A LOON!

I AM DRAMATIC!

I HAVE A SHORT FUSE!

I CRY WHEN I GET PISSED!

I DON'T LIKE TO BE TOUCHED (unless your my kids or husband or parents....or brothers....or nieces and nephews.....okay this is actually up for discussion)

I DON'T BELIEVE IN GIVING MORE THAN.....TWO CHANCES! (again, this is conditional)

I AM AN EMOTIONAL EATER!

BIG CROWDS FREAK ME OUT!

I CAN'T STAND DISORDER OR MESSES!

I PREFER EVEN NUMBERS!

Yea, like I said, I am a loon. But that's just who I am and I okay with me. My kids and my husband love me just the way I am. That's enough for me. 

SO, I am going to go ahead and air it all out. Why not right? Tellin' it like it is...that's my motto and what not, so that is what I am going to do. Hold on to your panties putas....I am going to enjoy this!!!

Boston, ear infections and the baby squirrel.

First things first. I am trying very hard to avoid any and all news on the bombing in Boston. You may think that makes me detached or uncaring. But the truth is, I am entirely too sensitive at this point in my pregnancy, for anything as devastating as I KNOW the events in Boston are. I have heard the story, I simply am not ready to put any pictures with it. I just don't think I will be able to recover my composure as quickly as my children need me too. My heart goes out the victims and their families. I have lost all understanding of the human race. I have said it before and I'll say it again...... we are screwed. All the good will and going Green in the world, couldn't save us now. Sucks, don't it?

That's all I am going to say about that. 

On to news from the inner sanctum. My lil Monkey and I, took a trip to the E.R. this morning. That was TONS of fun. Turns out, she has an ear infection. This is her first, so as you can imagine, we are havin' a good time. You would think that she was near death, when her Motrin starts to wear off. Should be an interesting night. The best part about all this, is that we just dealt with the Bitty girl and a case of the icky ear, last week. GOOD TIMES!!

SOOOOO.... We signed our Bitty up for Kindergarten today (I wipe away my tears as I write this) and on our way home, we spot a couple of crows in the road. As we get closer, we see that they are pokin' at a baby squirrel. This would have been bad enough, had the baby not moved once the birds flew away from the car. 

Now if you know me, you know that animals are my "thing". I have rescued and/or raised a variety of orphaned/injured/abandoned animals. So upon seeing this baby moving, I yell for my husband to "STOP THE CAR". He decides that this is a PERFECT time to school me on the f'ed up circle of life. So.....he of course, turned around. As we are getting back the scene of the injustice, we see that the crows are back at the baby. I have my seat belt off and my hand on the door handle and GUESS WHAT HAPPENED?!?!

One of those FILTHY F'ING CROWS picked up the poor baby and flew up to a roof!!! It took every ounce of inner strength I possess, to not curl up and bawl like a baby or start to cursing like sailor. My two bigger kids were in the car and hadn't seen what was going on. I was furious with the birds. I was angry with my husband for not stopping when I told him too. I was angry with myself for not throwing myself from a moving vehicle to help the baby. So yea, that was horrible. I could have totally gone without that 5 minuets of shit-nissity, That's totally a word...FYI.

Wish I had more uplifting news to share....but this week has sucked and I really need a nap.

Just as I am proofreading this....my girls walk into the living room together. My Bitty has dressed my Monkey up in a tutu and they are dancing around like little ballerinas. Suddenly, as is right in my world once again.

THE ZOMBIES ARE COMING!!!!!

No, not really.....BUT if they do, are you ready for them? 

I know to some, preparing for a "zombie apocalypse" seems stupid or silly. For me, it's just not so. I am TERRIFIED of the whole idea of zombies. Here is my tragic story.

Okay, so I am not blaming my dad for my deep seeded fear of the walking dead, but it is kinda his fault. See, when I was somewhere around 8 or 9 years old, my dad thought it would be a GREAT idea to have a "Dead" marathon. He had recorded "Night of the Living Dead (1990), Dawn of the Dead (1978), Day of the Dead (1985) and the first two "Return of the Living Dead" films (1985 and 1988). We sat up almost all night, watching these and unbeknownst to him, it messed me up for life. 

It is a legitimate fear of mine. I am truly fearful of the impending take of over. It could TOTALLY happen! So now, all these years later, zombie flicks still scare the shitty's outta me, but I watch them faithfully. People have asked me why I watch them if they mess with me and I answer "It's just like someone with a fear of heights, taking on the Sear's Tower". I watch these movies and I study them. I see the mistakes, the good ideas, the "need-to-knows". I take note of all these things, I make mental lists and plan (in my head) for when the shit hits the proverbial fan. I am preparing for the day, when I am forced to face my fear.

You can say I'm crazy, cause medically speaking....I am. But really, is it all that crazy to prepare for the fall of civilization? I mean, you can research a million and one conspiracy theories and apocalypse scenarios and if after that, your not motivated to have an extra gallon or two of water and a few cans of food.....just in case......maybe you got a little crazy in you too. Not to mention a TON of denial and far too much faith in humanity. 

SO, the zombies are coming, hopefully not anytime soon...like in my children's lifetime, but they ARE coming. Are you ready?

Afraid for your life? Check out these sites so you can be prepared too!


Even the CDC wants you to prep for ZOMBIES!

5 Scientific Reason Zombie Apocalypse Could Happen 

eHow+ Zombies= Survival....nuff said!! 

The things I want to lick.....

So this is already turning out to be a much different pregnancy from my previous 3. 

With this pregnancy, it seems that non-food items are what I crave. So far, I have wanted to lick the fresh polish off my step-daughters nails. I have wanted to eat the stack of newspapers I collected for the coupons. I have also wanted to lick the wood from my girls new bunk bed. 

I should probably say that I did NOT lick my step-daughters fingers (though I am pretty sure  I freaked her out) ....or eat the newspaper. I am ashamed to admit......I gave the wood a little lick. 

It's the most bizarre thing, to crave something that your sane self, knows you have no business eating. I just couldn't control it. Especially the wood! Oh my lordy, you should have seen it. I was helping my husband set up the bed and it just smelled SO yummy! The next thing I knew, I had my eyes closed and my tongue had made contact with the bed frame. 

I had to get up and leave the room. Otherwise, I just might have started gnawing on the damned thing. 

I love being pregnant. It validates crazy!!

Crap....

So I just remembered, how much c-sections SUCK!!! All three of my births have been via cesarean. Since my doctor/hospital does not perform VBAC's (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean), this birth will also be.......c-section. 

While there are (in my opinion) several pro's associated with c-sections. The few con's are really, really crappy ones. Aside from the pain, as well as the longer recovery time, I am sure that the worst...and I mean WORST part of having a baby via cesarean, is the gas you get afterwards. 

I'm not talking about pootin and tootin gas....no, I am talking about the worst gas pain EVER. The kind of gas pain that will have you doubled over, praying for just one AWESOME, tear jerkin', glass shattering fart. It's the kind of gas pain, that makes you forget all about being a lady and having proper manners. That has you not giving, even a tiny shit, who can hear/smell the air bombs you drop. It is horrible and I am not looking forward to it AT ALL!!!

The second worst part....is the spinal. They numb you from the armpits down, so that you can stay awake for your delivery (it's also safer for you and baby). In order to do this, they stick a FEW....as in, not just one.....needles into your back and spine. If you've had an epidural, don't try to compare at this point. The difference between a spinal and an epidural, is that they wait until your pain in almost unbearable then they dope you up for an epidural. Your pain levels and tolerance have already been tested and you yearn for the relief promised in that needle. 

With a spinal....you go in under one of two circumstances:

 1- It's an emergency and they need to get the baby out. In this case, everything is done so fast and your so anxious that you barely notice the "needle in the back" part.

 2- It's a planned c-section. Now, in this case, your not in pain. Your anxious, but not in the urgent sense. So really, you know whats going on and you feel EVERYTHING. It sucks....it hurts and it feels wrong and weird. You have to sit in an awkward position and stay perfectly still. Yea, it sucks and I am not looking forward to it. 

So yea, those two things plus the pain and healing time, are the worst parts of a c-section. I get to do all of it again....for the fourth time. Did I mention that I have like, no feeling from the belly button down to my scars......nice right? This is gonna be awesome. I love my babies to death.....I have the scars to prove it!!!

Sibling Rivalry

I have two brothers. My oldest brother and I, are 6 years apart. My younger brother and I, are 11 years apart. So I guess, comparatively speaking, that I have had it easy when it comes to sibling squabbles. I mean, we argued with and picked on each other...still do actually, but there was never any physical confrontations between us. 

Now, I have three children of my own (soon to be 4). My eldest is 7, then 5 and the youngest is 2. They are somewhat close in age, which makes things A LOT more interesting in this house. My Bubba boy is a rare breed of child. He is very mild mannered, not at all confrontational and just all around sweet. He has his "moments", but for the most part, he is very well behaved and always tries to be a peace maker. 

My girls, on the other hand, are determined to drive me completely insane. I think they are also plotting to kill each other. They fight almost CONSTANTLY and over EVERYTHING!! It's physical too. They scratch, punch, pull hair, bite, kick and slap each other. Fights between the two of them escalate so quickly that most times, I get to them when they are both beat up and crying. 

I hate to admit this, but there have been times when I just throw up my hands and say "Go ahead and kill each other then". 

What scares me....is that they are only 5 and 2!!! This is truly, just the beginning of things. Another admission??? I am terrified of having two teenage girls......

The thing of it is, is that they have two totally different personalities. My Bitty girl is a DIVA!!! She is dramatic and completely girly. She will be all about her looks when she is a teenager. To sum things up...she will be just like the girls I could not STAND in high school. GRRRREAT! My lil' Monkey, on the other hand, is most likely to be a tomboy. She likes getting dirty, playing rough and having her hair up in a ponytail. 

This will make things very uncomfortable for my husband and I. Oh and God help us when they start their periods. Teenage girls on their rags, are almost as unbearable and older women going through menopause. 

So pray for me people. Pray that God does not take it upon himself to further torture me.....by making Baby #4, another girl!!

Spring Break!

Today is the last day of school, before Sprig break starts. This is one excited household! I am one of those bizarre moms, who gets just as excited for vacations as my little ones. I love spending time with them. I suppose it also has something to do with my anxiety issues, but whatever, I like my kids. 

Other than messing with them (which is a favorite past time for my husband and I), we don't have any BIG plans for this vacation. Maybe a zoo, maybe a museum.....don't know yet.

In other news, my babies know about the new baby. They are TOO excited. My Bubba can't wait for the new baby. He really wants a boy, so that he can "teach" him all the awesome stuff he knows.....like how to be a super hero!!

As for me, I am pretty excited myself. Even though the news has been met with some resistance. I am still excited and ready for this. I am going to be a mom to the fourth power! I got this....

Stupid EFFIN COUPONS!!!!

What the hell was I thinking???? Why didn't anyone try and stop me? Warn me that I would get addicted and become unable to think of anything other than couponing? Damn you all!! 

But yea, I am SOOO into this couponing business. I have a million and seven coupons, they are almost all organized in a "trapper keeper", with the use of baseball card holders. I have at least a hundred more to cut out and sort....but today...today is the day I make a shopping list. WOO HOO!!!! For whatever the reason, my computer won't let me upload the pictures of coupon madness, from my camera. 

So once I get my in-house techie to fix it, I should be able to post pics of my progress, as well as the results of my first shopping trip!!! 

SO EXCITED!!! HOORAY FOR COUPONS!!!

Med Check...Today I feel____

Hungry. I woke up feeling very hungry this morning, but as usual, nothing sounds good. Odds are I will get left over oatmeal, courtesy of the Monkey.

I also feel like shouting "I KNOW SOMETHING YOU DON'T KNOW!!!!!!" Cause I do...but I can't tell you...so HA!!

I am also feeling like coupons are a tool of Satan....and I love to hate them. Stupid coupons. 

So that's what's going on in LocoLand this morning.

No Time For Crazy

My cousin and I were talking earlier, she was thanking me for some help I gave her with sorting things out. 

Somewhere in the conversation she says "I'm just crazy and I need more time, to get things done". 

I say, "You wanna see someone with no time....who still gets shit done.....ME!!! You don't need more time, you need to make some lists, get organized. Once you make those lists and you sit down and look at em, you realize you don't have time to be crazy cause you got too much shit to do!!" 

Good point, well made. Done and done.....

Stepping up my AWESOMENESS!!!

I am addicted to TLC's "Extreme Couponing". Like seriously, ADDICTED!! So naturally, I want to be a coupon queen. Last night I went printer crazy and printed out somewhere around 350 internet coupons. A little excessive? Yes, yes it is. Now ask me if I care? No, no I don't. I am psyched, I am so going to handle couponing like A BOSS!! I have started clipping the internet coupons. Tomorrow I am going to buy some newspapers to get the inserts. My plan is to start with baby steps. Just a few items, a few coupons. Just to see how it goes. Then BAM, coupon madness. You can laugh at me if you like, but I have three kids, two cats and a husband......and we need a bigger home. I NEED coupons in my life. The amount of stuff...especially free stuff, that can be obtained via coupons...is BANANAS!! I can do this, you'll see. Then you'll all want to know my deepest, darkest coupon secrets.....I'll think about sharing them with you....if you ask nicely.

So here's what I need. I need coupons (duh). I need a couple of deep freezers, maybe 4 storage shelves, some jumbo reusable shopping bags, a paper cutter.....oh and some cushy back-up scissors. Please send all items to 1010 My House..C/O Malissa. Thanks

SLEEP....I NEED SLEEP!!!

At a total BLANK!! My lack of sleep, is slowly melting my brain. Soon, all that will be left, is a puddle of Malissa brains and odds are....my kids will run in it and track it thru the house. My husband says I need to go to bed, which is true, however I have this constant nighttime dread that I have yet to shake.

I learned after baby #2, that kids tend to wake up and need something, at almost the EXACT moment you get into the perfectly comfortable position. Not while your brushing your teeth. Not while your taking your bedtime pee. Not while your climbing into bed and adjust the pillows, blankets and yourself. No, no...they wait until everything is just where you want it and you've just closed your eyes. Then you get the dreaded "MAAAA-MMMEEE".. The YELL that starts a chain reaction of demands. You tip toe into the room and they WHISPER "I gotta go pee". 

So yea, I am going to go to bed. And hopefully, HOPEFULLY, I will get to fall asleep and stay asleep until at least 6am. Pray for me. Nighty night.

Get ready for it!

It's coming....I am about to drop my own (very) personal bomb! I am going to give you all, an inside look at how OCD affects me! Its not pretty and I am scared to death, to expose myself like this, but I promised to keep it real.....and this is about as real as I get. So stay tuned for " 3 kids, me and OCD".

The "Reinstated" Bedtime

I remember when I was younger, say 15 or 16, how liberating it was to be free of a "bedtime". Even though I would still end up in bed before 11 pm, the important thing was that I didn't have to. As I got a little older, the freedom of it got more intense. Not only was I allowed to stay up all night, I was allowed to stay OUT all night too!

These days, I find that my mandatory bedtime has been unofficially, reinstated. I'll catch myself thinking "Holy crap, it's 12:39...way past my bedtime". I then scold myself, and giggle as I am reminded that I don't have to, if I don't want to. Granted, I pay for that s**t in the morning.

I am getting old people. I can no longer party all night. I can no longer stay up watching rated R movies all night. I am a chump! But whatever.....at least I am not a sleepy chump!

I have to go to bed now. It's 1:08 am.....WAAAAY past my bedtime!

"I'm Just Keepin' it Real"......

Tellin' it like it is....

I've stated before that I am and always have been, a fairly outspoken individual. This is NOT my fault. I am the product of two very outspoken parents, who taught me to speak my mind. I, of course, had to learn that there are times (as is often necessary in life), when one has to "hold your tongue". I don't like doing that, but now I'm fairly good at it.

One of my FAVORITE things about being an adult, is that there is a decreased need to put a lid on things. Now, I should make it clear, that I do not run around spouting off whatever comes to mind. I have a filter!

My opinions generally remain under lock and key. That is, unless it is requested....or provoked. When I say provoked, what I mean is, on occasions when someone says or does something asinine or inept, or simply IGNORANT, I just have to bring my opinion to their attention. I sometimes call it "word vomit", its often unintentional and usually, unavoidable. Did I mention that I am also somewhat sarcastic? I have often been referred to as a "smart-ass", which honestly doesn't bother me much, sarcasm is my second language! I have found though, that the mixture of sarcasm and "word vomit" is quite lethal.
I am couth, however! I know that what I percieve to be the truth, may not be truth to others. I also know that often times, the truth hurts and that my words can sometimes cut like a knives. The truth can hurt so much, that it is often better left unsaid (especially by me- AKA- Whip Tongue Acosta).

The reason for my sharing all this, is that at this time, on this blog, I intend to tell it like it is. I don't expect for all who read my writings, to agree with everything I say. I don't expect that all who read, will appreciate what I have to say either. There are topics that I am going to cover which are very two-sided. Your either for, or against. You are, or you aren't. You have, or you haven't. I am going to give MY take on all topics. I will share MY version of the truth. As always, it is the readers prerogative as to whether or not they accept my opinion. 

I am going to "tell it like it is" and really.....its just cause' I can!

Did I mention..... I have separation anxiety?

You read that right..... I am a grown woman, who suffers from separation anxiety. Just like your one year old, I get upset when the people I am closest to....go away. Mind you, I don't throw tantrums and scream my ass off, but that's whats up on the inside. It took me a long time to accept that. It just seemed so silly and therefore it just couldn't be, but it is what it is. I get very anxious (like, one loud noise away from a panic attack, anxious) when someone I care about is out of my sight.

I know that it has a lot to do with the O.C.D. and all the dreadful emotions that come with it. I worry....too much and ALWAYS think of the worst possible scenarios. My husband going to store, my kids going to school, my parents going out of town....these are all triggers for my anxiety. I'm not really sure of its cause, I could throw my theories out there, but what use would that be? Some will argue, that in order to resolve an issue, you have to go back to the source....pull the weed up by the root, if you will. I'm not a huge fan of examining my past, one discovery, always leads to another (most likely unwanted) discovery...no, I'm good on that one.

For right now, I am content with just acknowledging that I have this particular form of anxiety and doing my best to control it. For right now, I am content to spend my kid free days, cleaning my house from top to bottom, rather then trying (and failing horribly) to lounge around and relax. I am hopeful that one day, I will be anxiety free. It's probably a tall order, but hey.....it could happen!