The Orange Rhino Challenge.....and a Medicated Mom?

It didn't take much for me to realize, that I yell entirely too much. It's a daily thing. I yell at my kids for "misbehaving", for fighting, for not paying attention during our homeschool lessons, for "being annoying or whiny".

I yell at them all the time......I hate this about me.

Late last night, I happened upon an interesting website, called  Theorangerhino.com. It is written by a mom, who yelled too much. It's amazing!!! She challenged herself to a year, with NO YELLING!!! And she did it! Then she wrote a book about it and challenged other parents to go any amount of time, without yelling at their kids!

The theory, is that we don't take the time to realize that, when we yell, it's generally NOT because we're angry with our kids. Typically, our kids behavior is just the trigger that sets us off. We're really just stressed about life, tired, or angry with some other adult. Our kids just happen to come under fire and it's so unfair to them.

 For me, this challenge is sheer brilliance. I am so excited to start! I imagine it won't be easy, as yelling has been part of my parenting for my 9 years as a parent. But I'm determined to do this, More determined than I have ever been about any diet or attempt to quit smoking (which, I'd like to note, I have been smoke free for over 18 months!). This is something I HAVE to do, not just for my babies, but for me too!

SO! Wish me luck folks! Today is Day 1 of my Orange Rhino Challenge.......anyone care to join me?

Check out the site and then commit to quit yelling!!!!

The Medicated Mom's Guide To- Planning a Homeschool Curriculum

When I decided that I wanted to homeschool my children, I had no idea how how much work was going to be involved. Now that I've gotten my hands into it...... it's A LOT of freaking work! I've spent the past 3 months planning for this school year, but when I look at everything, I am no where near ready! But as of today, I'm okay with that!

I'm going to assume that at least one of my readers, is a homeschooler. I'm also going to assume that this one reader is struggling to plan for this year. For that reader, I have some advice!!

WINE!! You'll need lots of wine and a sense of humor.....and maybe a Xanax or two.

That's it. That's my advice for properly planning how to educate your children. Wine, Xanax and a few giggles. I'm kidding!!

Truth is, I don't think that spazzing is going to help my situation at all, so I've decided to take a step back, take in a few deep, cleansing breaths (and a couple glasses of vino) and focus on the following:

-Putting together a secular curriculum that works best for our home.
-Setting up a schedule for school time.
-Gathering materials and preparing for our school year!

That's my plan for the rest of this month. Next month I'll put it all together and hopefully, be ready to start.  I'll update my progress as I go. For now, I'm going to let this ambien kick in and drift off to sleep!

I want to share a few links to some sites that I've found pretty helpful thus far. Hope you find them helpful as well!!

TeachersPayTeachers.com - A great source for worksheets and other materials. Made by teachers, for teachers!

lesson plans at Lakeshore Learning - Free lesson plans for preschool thru 5th grade!

1st Grade Curriculum- An entire 1st grade curriculum.....for FREE!

ReadWriteThink -Lesson plans and activities for reading. 

Monthly Activities & Resources - Themes and activities for each month!

Vocabulary Lessons for Grade 1 - Online vocabulary lessons.

Free Online Spelling  - Interactive spelling lists and test for grades 1-8. 

1st grade worksheets -Printable worksheets for 1st graders...that are FREE!!! 

Hope some of this helps! I'll post whatever else I come across that appears to be useful. 

The Medicated Mom's Guide To - Strip Clubs!!

A couple days ago, one of the mom's in one of my (many) mom groups, posted about how angry she was that her husband had snuck off the see "some skanks" at the strip club.

Blame it on my raging post-partum hormones, but that really irked me! Some of my favorite women are dancers!

I guess I should have started by saying that I do support the arts. And if you've ever seen a good strip tease...you know that shits an art form!

Seriously though, I love going to strip clubs. I think that women that are all uptight about their men going to em....are just self conscious and haven't learned to embrace what strippers do for us. And before you all start with the homophobic nonsense...no...I am not a lesbian. I am a woman who appreciates the female form. Women are beautiful, well made creatures.... why wouldn't I appreciate that??

I actually have some very logical reasons as to why people ( men and women both) and more importantly, couples, should frequent a gentleman's club! There are benefits to "allowing" your man to go see naked women...that they can't touch. Even more benefits to sitting next to him at one. They are as follows:

1: Support the arts.....make it rain!
2: Some of the best made drinks I've ever had...were at strip joints.
3: BOOBIES!!!! Enough said....
4: Happy husband=happy, spoiled, "she's so awesome" wife!!
5: (The best reason) Post strip club sex!!!!

I'd like to talk about reason #5 for just a minuet here. I want to be perfectly clear...sex after the strip club is AWESOME!! For us chicks... Our inner pole dancer emerges and since we're a little buzzed and a lot horney, we think we're hella hot and our men dig it. For they guys.....well they just sat in a room with naked women...and their wife/girlfriend Nuff said, right? Break up, make up and post strip joint sex....yea, best sex EVER!!

Anyway, what I am trying to get at, is that you should go to a strip club. Get a sitter, get dolled up and take your man on the best date he'll ever have. When you get home, throw on a g-string and the stilettos buried in the back of your closet and get your hubby to toss some dollars at ya.....good times I tell ya, good times!

A Medicated Mom's Guide To- Nesting

So as you all know, I am pregnant.

As of today, I am 31 weeks along. I have 8 weeks left ( I will deliver via c-section at 39 weeks). That might not sound like a long time, but when EVERYTHING hurts and EVERYTHING bothers you and NO ONE seems to care.......8 weeks is a freakin lifetime.

In other news, I am nesting. Someone of you will know that this is a time, when some pregnant women feel an indescribable need to prepare their home for the birth of their child. This wouldn't be such a big deal, if your girl didn't suffer from O.C.D!!!! EVERYTHING needs to be cleaned/changed/fixed/rearranged.....just made better!!!

I am so frustrated over it. The best solution I have managed to come up with??  Make my husband feel bad enough about my current state, that he gets down and scrubs the carpets!!! So far, this has proven to be a very successful method.

I love him.....even though right now, I will never forgive him for doing this to me.

A Medicated Mom's Guide To- The 1st Day of Kindergarten

OH MY GODDDDDD!!!!! No one told me it was going to feel this terrible. No one said that I would feel like the WORST MOM EVER!!!! No one shared with me, that I got off SUPER easy with my son. Curse all of you who knew this was coming and said NOTHING!!!!!

My Bitty girl started Kindergarten today.

We started out really well. She woke up bright and early just as excited as could be about starting school. She was in love with her outfit and I fixed her hair "like a big girls". We were dressed and out to the bus with out brand new princess backpack!! She got on the bus with no problems too! That could be because she had big brother with her, holding her hand like a good big brother should.

So she got on the bus and Daddy and I hopped in the car to meet them at school. When they got off the bus, big brother Bubba held her hand all way into the building, walked her into the lunchroom for some breakfast and gave her his utmost attention. He did a great job. My Bitty was still hanging tough at this point. She ate her breakfast, threw out her tray on her own and was ready to go to her class.

When we got the class....I made the mistake of letting dad off the hook, and went in alone. She was still doing good though, picked out her name tag, hung up her backpack, found her seat. The teacher had a coloring sheet set out on the desks and my Bitty started right in on it. She was halfway through writing her first name when she froze.....just froze. She turns to me and says (no joking) "Mommy, I don't want you to go.....or I want to go home with you". WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY TO THAT???? I went the responsible route and told her that I couldn't stay and that she had to stay at school and learn. She wasn't trying to hear that shit. She grabbed hold of my dress and started to ease her way out of her seat.

Long story short, before I made my escape, my baby was full blown sobbing and chanting "MOMMMMMMYYYY DON'T GO!!!!" It took everything in me not to break down in front of her. I left the room.....then broke down in the hallway. It is nothing nice. It's hard enough to leave your kids upset, with people that you know and trust......leaving them with a STRANGER.....while they are BAWLING.....and calling for MOMMY!!!! That's just torture.

So here is my advice to all you mom's that have yet to go through the Kindergarten drop off...........Let dad (or ANYONE else) do it!!! Your welcome :)

A Medicated Mom's Guide To- Bored Children

Here's what you do.....

You go into each child's bedroom and start going through all the toy bins. Pull out all of the toys that are in the wrong spot (cause if your anything like me, EVERYTHING has a "right spot"), toss all out of place items in the center of the floor.

Get a broom and sweep all the junk out from under the bed.

Open the closet and pull out all the hidden treasures your kids left in there when they were "cleaning up".

Push everything into the pile in the center of the floor.

NOW....call your "OMG I'M SO BORED" children into their respective rooms and tell them to put all that crap in the center of floor WHERE IT BELONGS!!!!

BOOM.....boredom problem SOLVED!!!

Your welcome!!!

The Medicated Mom's Guide To- "I don't feel like cooking"

It's really a very simple solution. Get your pen and paper ready ladies....you won't want to miss this!!!

Ingredients:

1-Package of hotdogs

1-Loaf of bread

Any available condiments.

1- Pot large enough for all dogs.

Water



Now, here is where you need to pay close attention!!!

You open that pack of hot dogs and put em in the pot. Add water to the pot then boil for 5 minuets or so. Next, you'll want to grab that loaf of bread and some plates. Take a dog, place it on a slice of bread, add some ketchup and mustard (or whatever your LO's like) and serve. Voila!!!! Dinner in 5 minuets and your kids will think your AWESOME!!!

Want to spice it up?? Crack open a can of veggies and throw em in the nuker!!! A well balanced meal in minuets.

Your welcome!!

A whole new segment!!!!

I am going to be starting a new thingy here on my blog.

I was thinking about it all day today, and I always kinda wonder why it is that people seek out my advice. I mean....I'm crazy.....like seriously.

But anywho, I decided that I am going to dig deep into my mental file cabinet and pull out all the gems of knowledge I have shared with people throughout my years as Mommy!!! I'm also going to throw in some random bits of information that you or someone you know, might find helpful.

It's going to be titled.....this is good......"A Medicated Mom's Guide To_______". Every time I post I will fill in that blank with something new.

Newest Addition to BubbaBittyMonkey.com!!!

 For example, tomorrow you might find the following post; "A Medicated Mom's Guide To- Nappy Hair"....or...."A Medicated Mom's Guide To- A Strange Red Rash".

You just don't know what your gonna get, and that's the beauty of it!!!!!